About eight years ago now, a friendship of mine came to an end. My friend and I had been very close for over 15 years, or so I thought.  Over the years, I was there for her through many different situations:  Matron of honor at her wedding, the foreclosure of her first house, adopting a child, separation from her spouse and being by her side when her mother passed away. There were also several times that she needed to get away and I let her come and be at my home for hours and hours.  I never complained.  Not even when I had other plans or things to do.  I also lent her money when she found herself short or in sticky situations.

Fast forward to 2016 and everything changed. My friend started spiraling and not in a good way.  She was hanging out with people that encouraged wild spending and cheating on her spouse.  I saw her behavior getting more and more erratic and I tried to advise her, but this “wild” lifestyle was too exciting.  We started drifting apart.  She had started paying back the loan and then abruptly stopped. When I questioned it, she told me that she thought I had given her the money.  I was done!

I felt bitter and used for a while but then decided to chalk it up to experience.  I never should have lent money that I needed back. She didn’t force me to do anything. I had made the choice myself. When she circled back a year and a half later trying to resurrect the friendship, I hesitated and proceeded with caution. The conversations were light and short. Then came the request for a loan. I explained that I was no longer in the business of lending money. I was accused of not caring that their car was going to be repossessed. WHAT, how is that my fault? I had been right to tread lightly. So, like that, the friendship was over.

In 2022, I did get a welfare text but by that time, I had learned to let it all go. This was a friendship for a season, not for a lifetime. I’ve forgiven her, not for her sake but for my own.  No matter how people treat you, you get to choose how you deal with it. I choose to forgive and move on. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have to have a relationship with the person that hurt you. It means that you choose to let go of any negative emotions and to grow personally. I learned to have better boundaries in friendships and better still, I learned to forgive myself!