Just Saying

This is the first one without my dad.  I’ve been dreading this day for weeks now.  I’ve made no plans other than to go to church.  Want the day to be pretty low key.

I dreamed about him last night.  Well, actually I dreamed that the four of us were together as a family again.  Laughing, talking and doing our norm.  I postponed getting up because I didn’t want to let him go.

I reached out to several friends that are going through the same thing I am this year.  It’s a club that none of us ever wanted to be a part of but over this past year 7 of us find ourselves as members.  Some answer, and we are all praying for each other to get through the day as unscathed as possible.

After a truly motivating church service, I find myself talking to several friends that want to make sure I’m okay.  The afternoon passes quickly and then I complete my normal Sunday “get ready for work Monday” chores.  I check in on my sister and my mom and we have all made it!!! 

Happy Father’s Day in heaven daddy!!!

For four years, I’ve been in a place of trying to move forward but somehow going nowhere.  I’d take two steps forward and end up moving (it seemed) five steps back!  Then I was left wondering how I ended up there.  The struggle has been real!!!  Crying, begging, and praying for a breakthrough!

February-March 2023, I felt like a switch had been turned on.  The brain fog lifted.  Clarity and hope returned.  I am able to dream again.  I am, dare I say it, joyful!

I’ve procrastinated.  I’ve found excuses.  I’ve done all my Type A craziness, but here I am.  I’m finally being obedient to what I’ve felt called to do.  I’m being vulnerable and honest in a public space.  It’s exciting and scary.  It’s exhilarating and terrifying.  Ultimately, it’s so freeing!!!

I’m just saying…..